A man in a bar sees a friend
at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
..........
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Jitta Singh and Bangdu were both watching
the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you 500 Rs he'll jump," said the Jitta. "Bet you 500 Rs he won't," said the Bangdu.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The Bangdu hands the
first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said Jitta. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No,
no. Take it," said Bangdu. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough
to jump again!"
..........
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
..........
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John was sitting outside his local pub one
day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his
table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for
life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman
"and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
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